What I experienced with C.R. was not the “Nightmare before Christmas“ but the american nightmare after Easter. My pipe dreams were broken, the California Dream crucified. I never could live there, I never could live with her. I just was happy, to be able to leave this continent finally, and I am sure, she was relieved as well, that I disappeared from her life. Actually I didn’t want to see her again. Not again. When we would not had planned a common exhibition in Vienna, most probably a reunion would never had happened. But the prearrangements for September were already running on high tours. We could keep just somehow, very sporadically in touch. I hardly could write to her, I couldn’t trust her anymore since she told me „We have to write a book together. You know?“ That was even more than I wanted to know. So that was it what she seriously intended to do with my letters. Simple to take and use my most intimate thoughts, to publish the love, I felt.
THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS • CALIFORNIA DREAMIN'