• Boom Boom

One of the highlights of my stay was giving a lecture at the CCAC about my paintings. I was excited, it wasn't easy to explain my concept about the circles. But the students were very interested. I had taken enough visual material with me, I guess I did a good job. C.R. was obviously proud of me. After work she took me out for a dinner, than we walked around Castro for a long time hand in hand. Under the rainbow colored flags that was nothing special. But unfortunately I broke the temporary harmony successfully by putting a little question in the air, which I could not resist „do you think, that you have some little place for somebody in your life at all? /Be amazed!/ She did understand me. She winced, and  got a hysterical attack, she started to scream, so loud, I thought she would show me the dooor there and than. She screamed at me on the street, in the car, during the whole time until we got home. I didn’t know, how to ease the situation, since I didn’t have a chance to dispute with her. Well, obviously I had touched a sore spot /shit happens!/ Suddenly she started to cry, as she said: „ I really wanted you to come here, because I love you, yes I do!“.. /Oh!/ I kissed away the rolling teadrops on her face. I love you, szeretlek, ti amo, ja ljublju tjebja. In how many languagues, and how often had it been repeated, this innocent on the most primitive way built-on sentence [ I + Heart + You ]  whithout getting the right significance, perceiving the real meaning or devastating consequences? If love comes into the game, everything is changing. Why? Those words keep their validity only as long as one is articulating them. Anyway, you do have three second time, to let yourself be misleaded by it. The matter of love seems to hold a painful secret, which, in the end, is simple to disclose. Maybe I just got the intuition, since I was not able to tell these words anymore. You might think, there are so many different  kinds of love, it’s easy to get lost in the jungle. But believe it or not, there is only one love, as it gives only one word for that. We just handle it different, splitting and making different kinds of it, since we feel on different ways, as we all are different. So speaking about the feeling (not  about sex), I have to say, actually there are only two kinds of love, always two extremes: either a viable love, ready to make compromises, or a together non viable, egocentric love, just as there is only a mutual or onesided love and there is nothing in between.