We are trying to restrict the river of time into a frame, calling it past, present and future, limited in minutes, hours, days, months, years. Every story has a frame too in its own termination. We have a start, a story and the end. Sometimes the story is the bitter end of itself. That’s life. Who knows? Maybe it was written somewhere in the „big book“ that we have to meet one more time, even if I had to make a journey to Belgium, to make it happen. I made it, cause I did feel, this time she really does want to see me. I couldn't even imagine what will happen there. I wanted to give us a chance being real for each other, that we would be able to continue our story, starting a new chapter (as already so very often), or in worst case that we make an end of it. We would have had four days with each other. Too short? Too long? Time did decide it. I didn’t know, yet, that during those days I only will get a ten minutes audience with the "Queen". My heart was jumping to see her, it made me happy to be able to change the last picture, though, because I wanted to change it too. I was giving her my heart (a huge chocolate heart), she said, she does love me WITH a chocolate heart. /That’s true. //;)//. I was excited, but angry too, because I saw the time flowing through my fingers. I smoked a cigaret outside, as she called my name. I couldn’t think, I just could feel. Various feelings were exploding in me, but I didn’t know, what I actually was feeling. I was there, and she was there too, close to me. We haven't hardly spoken some words, when I heard the security guy saying, „It’s time.“ (I didn't suspect she initiated this.) I looked surprised at her, I didn’t even notice somebody came in. I just saw her. She hugged me and hold me tight then even more tight, our faces met skin by skin, and in this split of a second, I felt suddenly, how the time DID stop, real. The time started to change its rhythm empirically noticable into slow motion. I closed my eyes and found myself in a grey tunnel, I got dizzy and was caught in the maelstrom of ambivalent emotions, which did drag me deeper and deeper into a different dimension into the curvature of time and space. I wanted her and I did not, I desired her and I did not. My senses got strunged up, my ears soughed from the noise of cosmic speed, I heard a voice thumping like my heartbeat, it did let me know, IT WILL HAPPEN NOW. The kiss I was missing five years ago. I never did wish more, but I could have died for it. Her lips touched mine softly like a fleeting breeze. After her kiss the magic broke immediately, I got catapulted out of the tunnel, I opened my eyes, and saw in her the frightened surprised question, WHAT WAS THAT? I didn’t know the answer either. I never experienced the presence in the present time with such a stunning presence and being aware of it. I got speechless, I could not bring out a word anymore. Then when the time was already back in its regular pathway during I was still reeling from the happening, just leaving an astronomically wormhole, I got inwardly burnt. I glowed and froze at once. Did you know? Something like this (a wormwhole) can occur only through the fusion of the most extreme mixture of contradistinctively energies. Was it love? Was it hate? I couldn't tell. For this time all values were set out of meaning. There was nothing positive or negative anymore. All got neutral, cause that was THE end for all times.
SHAKURA S'AIDA • TIME