U.B. left me end of January, 1996. She ended up, withouot hesitating long about, our almost six year long lasting, symbiotic relationship. Astonishingly the relationship lasted that long (it was the longest I ever had), it failed /as always/ due to the lack of communication. Although during our time U.B. had many doubts about „to be or not to be“ gay, at least finally she did know, what she wanted, she left me due to an other woman. Surprisingly U.B. left not only me, but B.P. too. She burned down all bridges behind her past. /It was time for change, as B.P. said../ With her I had my only steady and more or less stable relationship. After she left, I did know, I don’t want to have something like this anymore. I can not gainsay, that the time with her was not important, because it was. She got through many things with me as I got through many things with her, she supported me, as I supported her. Because of her affairs, she just never gave me the feeling, being the #1, as she was for me. I did not cheat on her really, even if I did it three times in my thoughts. I didn’t want to hurt her, or maybe I just did not have the guts to do it. /Who knows?/ Although I was deeply hurted in the moment she left, later I was even grateful for that. I don't think, I would have had ever the heart to do it. At that time she was giving me back my liberty, so it started a new search.
R.E.M. • LOSING MY RELIGION