It didn’t take a long time to notice, oh, she didn’t even conceal that she had feelings for others as well. Although I knew she loved me, /Yes, she did!/ she hopelessly was in love, already for years, with somebody else. The other woman was her secret dream, and I had to fight with a phantom. I felt intuitively the invisible danger. Unwittingly I suspected, she will come along with us for a long time. Sometimes it made me feel desperately sad, if I felt, she was with her in her thoughts, but I couldn’t do anything against phantasies. She was not the only one who accompanied us. B.P. was always present. She was my real problem, since she was the third wheel. She ignored the relationship between U.B. and me totally. As U.B.’s best friend she was used to being the first. Sometimes I had the feeling that for U.B. this friendship had more priority, than the relationship with me. I got jealous of their friendship /sure!/ but not without a good reason. I had to realize that I never was integrated in their common plans, no matter about what, they always did forget to ask me about it, or to involve me. They were like Siamese twins. They came from the same county, both came in the same year to Vienna, for studying arts at the same academy, in the same class. They even painted in a similar style, their apartments were furnished with the same furnitures, both learnt to play saxophone. It was hard to say, who cloned whom, which one of them needed the other more. They complemented each other completely. Having such a friendship in the most classical sense seemed absurd to me, I didn’t know something like that. I only had a close friendship with H.Z., never with a woman. U.B. personified everything to me, she was my best, close friend, my lover, and my partner, all in one. B.P. had a big influence on U.B. so I had to get in with her, even if she never respected my relationship with U.B. I had to accept their friendship for all times.
KLAUS NOMI • CAN'T HELP FALLING IN LOVE