I was falling in love with the feeling itself. It came over me and surprized me so suddenly and intense as it left me six weeks later. Although the love had a name, she wasn’t a simple object of desire, because during this time the object was me. Being that was totally unknown to me, it confused me, I didn’t know how to handle it, as I never experienced something like that before. It was almost automatically for me to want to give, since I’ve never learned how to take, how to get. To force me to that was like a brutally rape. She wanted me /OMG! ME!/ but she did tear me to pieces. I had so much love to give, but hardly something of it was asked. I had have to offer a whole universe, but just a few stars were choosen. L.B. was the first woman, I’ve got flowers from. Beautiful exotically aggresive, carnivorous flowers. I was eaten alive. She didn’t understand my wishes my imaginations about being together, I think she felt herself threatened by such strong feelings. She said, she thinks, she is hurting me more, than she could make me happy. She wasn’t wrong with that. The feeling which at first in such a pleasant way romped in me, dissolved itself slowly but unstoppable. I couldn’t satisfy her, I wasn't enough for her, she didn’t let me in, and she satisfied also only my dreams. It was a Monday, L.B. had time off, we did spent the whole day together. She brought me flowers, the last, the day went off pretty harmonically. We met U.B. at the staircase, L.B. kissed me in front of her, loudly, long and demonstratively. Then we were with her, the rain fell in sheets, she took a shower, and satisfied herself touched by the tenderly flowing water, when she was ready she came into the room where I was sitting and said still naked „I am doing always that way, when I am alone.“ I did understand, I left her and her flat on the spot, I went unsolicited so she could be with herself.