• Dancing again

The summer was hot, the tempers were heated, we frequently had our loud disputes. After one of those differences, I went out with B.P. By accident we met on the road an ex-girlfriend of her, I didn’t know her personally yet. We all went to the Villa and were just hanging around through the long night. I liked K.P. a lot, she was very smart, and very pretty. I enjoyed her company, our discussion about everything, and was just thinking briefly about, how it would feel to kiss her, when suddenly she got closer to me and kissed my lips softly. /OMG! It felt, like Susan’s (my first) kiss!/ B.P. got beside herself „What are you doing? Think of U.B.!“ but I desired K.P. as much as rarely somebody before, so I did completely forget about U.B. First when the question „your place or mine?“ arose, she came  into my mind again. We took a night bus. K.P. got out, looked enquiringly and inviting  at me, but I didn’t get out with her. I thought with a painful heart of the missed chance, but I had to miss it, because I knew, U.B. would stay early in the morning at nine o’clock at my door (she had a key to it) as she did everytime when we had had a dispute. I didn’t need to picture the scene, which would have awaited of me, in both cases, if she wouldn’t find me at home, or she would find me there with an another woman. So I decided to stay on the bus, and waved goodbye to K.P. She did not forgive me this cowardice for years, but as I had assumed, exactly at nine o’clock in the morning U.B. knocked on my door. During that night I had fell deathlessly in love with K.P. and in my thoughts I considered seriously to leave U.B. I had enough of  that relationship anyway, other than that I still had to settle an outstanding old score with her. I never could forgive her last affaire. Although since then she tried to prove desperatedly her love to me, it was too late, I could not believe in that anymore. I could not trust her anymore. I just wanted to see K.P. again. But fate had other plans with us, and it (the fate) was strongly supported by B.P. She gave me a wrong phone number, as I asked for, and  she told K.P. she would not know my address. /Think!/ She was visiting me almost every week, but didn't tell me, not a word about. One month went by, I suffered inexpressibly from the longing for K.P. I didn’t know, how she was thinking about me, what she felt for me, without her I was too weak to get out from my bungled relationship. On a gorgeous sunny September day my parents came to Vienna for a short visit. They wanted to see my apartment. They took the train back to Hungary at the same day in the evening. After they left, I called B.P. and we went to watch a movie. As it got dark in the room, it got dark before my eyes as well, because  K.P. came into the room. I didn’t see any scenes from the movie, B.P. didn’t like it, and wanted to go. K.P. left the room, I went after her. As she did see me, she was running into my arms, we caressed each other, kissed passionately, incessantly, never-ending and hold each other tight. I almost cried tears of joy, finally I did find her, and finally I got the certainty. /She loves me!/ But she said sadly „where have you been? - and now it’s already too late.“ It was too late for her. She was not free anymore. She  had just started a new relationship with a hungarian girl. /But not with me!/ She didn’t trust me and did not believe that I would leave U.B. My situation got really complicated. U.B. got jelaous (with a big reason), but she tried to hide her hurted feelings. We stayed together, who knows, why? Although I had a burning longing for K.P. for years, I never talked about my feelings with U.B. I didn’t want to burden our already so burdened relationship. I used my free energies during my limited time off to make some art. I could use U.B’s studio to work on some new funny photo-collages. I called the series „another face“, since they were different portraits, with changed faces. I had my first solo exhibition in Vienna at the Berlitz school in the downtown. Many people were coming to the opening, K.P. was there as well. We flirted endlessly with each other, U.B. was offended and went home alone and disappointed. I sold some of my works. Soon it was Christmas and I bought a new /our first/ color TV for my family. On December 26th my father died as silent as he had lived. He never got to see a color TV.

DANCING AGAIN • PAPERMOON

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